Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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