The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
