I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
