I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
