yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
