i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
areolas are like halos for boobs.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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