turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I have post one night stand depression
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