All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
