kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
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I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
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It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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