He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
