I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
