woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
