Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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