its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
It's just like the Real World with babies
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
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My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
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I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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