i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
