but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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