Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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