drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
