I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
