If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
