I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
