why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
