ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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