Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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