I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.