I wanna bring you to show and tell
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
