i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Randomize
