she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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