Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
