i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
My ATM looks so different sober.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
