Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
