you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
