You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
