After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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