Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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