The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
