In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
