Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
