I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
