took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
