I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
