Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
