Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
