A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
