not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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