I haven't been this sober since birth.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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