remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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