that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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