Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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