How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I just googled if crying burns calories
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
