Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
