Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
