do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
