Me too!
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
