There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
