I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
