your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
