Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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