I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
