When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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