okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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