Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
