I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize