"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
