Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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