Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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