Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
