I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
