I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
