my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
