you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize