Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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