great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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