So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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