first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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