Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
