It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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