Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
