I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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