Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
