when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
