wrigley field is MILF paradise
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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