I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
