So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
His nipple licking is glorious
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