Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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