Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
