I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
